intrinsically linked in my mind to the harsh jolts that occur between one area in space and another, this meaning for the first time has found it's way into my life on the ground. while life continues around these bumps they work their way into the small particles that comprise everyday existence. thus leaving you slightly nauseated but so unbelievably aware that most would pay money for the sensation. due to these recent proceedings my heart and my head have recently settled on a meeting place  and the world has never appeared larger. with a small side of terrifying. now don't let these initial words create the illusion that i am unhappy as in no way am i, on the contrary i may have found what it means to be purely alive.  striving for existence is seemingly so unattainable yet results in a blinding consciousness that makes the struggle for it more than advantageous. while this proposed prophecy of sorts is susceptible to altercations with the passing moments, the clarity of the thought is something i've begun to value. life is entirely too short to be discouraged. a lesson that becomes clearer with every encounter in the midst of these ancient lands. especially with the children i'm teaching, all burmese refugees living illegally within the thai borders. it is their only hope for solace from political corruption, sex work, and the predetermined title of child soldiers at 12. what a world it truly is. despite teaching in the evenings from 5 to 8, after for most what has been a 13 hour work day of pushing fruit carts or working in the construction camps they sit before me with pencils poised. all congregated on the floor with their sole notebooks outlining the lessons previous. the energy that casts from them takes a direct path into my body and soul and courses through me with alarming potency. this same experience defined my valentines day as it was spent at a lawa orphanage outside the city. no older than 14, in the childrens class, their souls have truly lived a thousand years and their eyes are the only aspect to give away the plight. devastation and poverty are not the exception but the rule. a humbling experience doesn't do justice in any way to touching how my heart and western thinking respond. teaching english to them really is simply that though, as our separate backgrounds are put aside to allow for mutual understanding of the alphabet and the issues surrounding foot-fingers. i sometimes fret that they are teaching me so much more, and i don't yet have a way to convey how much. even if english will simply change their opportunities from dishwasher to waiter, my sincerest hope is that it will.

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